


never be cold again

by fangirl_squee



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:55:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28914966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirl_squee/pseuds/fangirl_squee
Summary: She eats fresh fruit and drinks Ben’s strong black coffee and thinks that she’s never felt so light.Bev and Ben, after.
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 6
Kudos: 36





	never be cold again

Sex with Ben is different.

_ Obviously _ . Sometimes she catches herself wondering at the fact and laughs to herself, because of  _ course _ sex with Ben is different to sex with Tom. There’s no bracing for impact, verbal or otherwise, her mind doesn’t race with  _ hold your muscles firm, tilt your head like this, say what he wants to hear _ . Ben is gentle - not like she’s  _ fragile _ , thank god, but like she’s something precious, something he wants to be careful with, his touch steady and warm on her skin. He waits at every step for her to be ready for the next, telegraphing his movements so as to never startle her.

He kneels in front of her, the first night they get out of Derry, and kisses his way up her thighs slowly, glancing up every so often to check in, but also like he can’t stop himself from looking at her face. He keeps smiling, an honest, delighted smile that makes warmth crackle through Bev’s chest.

He moves carefully, easing them both into it. She tries to be just as conscious of him, checking before she peels back each layer of his clothing, drawing him back up onto the bed with her. They curl together, a tangle of wonderfully graceless and sweaty limbs. She has rarely felt so beautiful.

Afterwards, he brushes the hair back from her face, his expression so sweet that she feels tears prickle in her eyes. Ben’s expression immediately shifts to concern.

“It’s okay,” says Bev, “I just… I’m still acclimatising, I think.”

“Okay,” says Ben, his expression still concerned but with the added layer of him trying to hide it. “In… a good way?”

Bev laughs. “Yes. Yes, in a good way.”

She kisses the corner of his lips, and she can feel him smile.

They fly the rest of the way out to his place the next day. The driveway itself is almost hidden, off of a lonely mountain highway. It’s in the middle of nowhere, a structure of stone and glass tucked away in a forest. The air is crisp and still. Ben keeps glancing at her as he gets their bags from the back and she realises he’s waiting for her opinion. That he’s  _ nervous _ about her opinion, even. Something in her stomach squirms a little, pleasantly, a teenage-crush sort of feeling.

She turns back to look up at the house. The huge windows give a view of the forest and the surrounding area, and the ground floor of the house is a solid brick and stone, impregnable to an attack. She lets out a breath.

“It’s a beautiful place,” says Bev.

Ben breaks into a bright grin. “Thanks, I, uh. I designed it. And built it. Well, some of it, I…” He looks up at the house, considering it for a moment. “I was kind of using it to try out some design stuff.”

“It looks like it worked out,” says Bev.

He looks back at her, still smiling. “I guess so.”

The fluttery teenage-crush feeling returns. He reaches into the back of the car and pulls out their bags, easily carrying them all towards the stairs to the house. Bev catches herself staring at the movement of the muscles through his shirt. She can picture Richie’s wolf whistle if he were here and she huffs a laugh. Ben looks back a her and Bev waves a hand towards him.

“I could have carried something you know,” says Bev.

Ben glances down at the bags in his hands as though he didn’t realise he’d taken them all. “Oh, uh, sorry?”

Bev laughs, waiting until they’re both safely to the top of the stairs before she presses a kiss to his cheek. Ben’s cheeks flush faintly. Maybe it’s not a teenage-crush thing. Maybe this is how it’s supposed to feel.

Inside, the house is a little showroom-esque. It’s clean, and the furniture all looks very nice but barely used. The only thing that really feels like Ben is the art - there’s paintings scattered tastefully along one wall, and a sculpture by the kitchen doorway made of stone and metal.

“I usually get them as souvenirs,” says Ben, when she asks, “I kind of… I always feel like I should get something to bring back when I travel, but I never know what to get, so I usually just try to find a local artist or a market or something.”

“I guess you missed out on getting something from Derry," says Bev.

“I wouldn’t say that,” says Ben.

When she turns back to him he’s looking at her, a little shy, his cheeks a little pink. She can almost see the childhood version of him, overlaid in her memory. He has the same eyes, she thinks, the same kind eyes.

She reaches for him, and he carefully sets the bags down before he leans into her, his hands tentatively bracketing her waist. Bev rests her head on his chest for a long moment, listening to the steady beat of his heart.

“I still have to finalise the divorce,” she says softly.

Ben hums. “What do you need?”

“Nothing,” says Bev, “Or, I don’t know yet. Richie gave me the number of a good lawyer. He said it was the same woman who was going to represent Eddie.”

Ben laughs softly, the sound rumbling in his chest. “She must be good.”

Bev smiles, taking a steadying breath in. “Must be.” She tilts her head back to look up at him. “So. Give me a tour?”

The rest of the house is just as beautiful and just as sparse. The only thing that shows any real life is his study, the desk cluttered with paper and drafts. It smells faintly of wood cuttings, making Bev think of the clubhouse. The fluttering feeling in the pit of her stomach deepens into a steady warmth, and she tucks herself against Ben’s side. Ben’s cheeks flush pink again, but he slides an arm around her side.

The last room they see is the bedroom. She can feel Ben’s muscles twitch as they approach the door.

He swallows. “I, um. I don’t want you to feel like… I have a spare bedroom, if you’d prefer-”

“No,” says Bev. The fluttery feeling returns. “Not unless  _ you _ -”

Ben shakes his head. They look at one another for a moment and then Bev laughs. Ben smiles, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I’ll go get our bags?”

“Sure,” says Bev.

She flops down on the bed after he leaves. The fabric of the quilt is soft, inviting after the long drive. She lets out a breath and closes her eyes.

When she opens them again the room is darker. She’s up higher on the bed than she was before, the quilt pulled over her and another person in the bed beside her. She can just make out Ben’s features in the dark, illuminated by the soft glow of the bedside table lamp, his head tilted down to look at his phone. She watches him for a moment, her eyes tracing the tilt of his smile as he reads something in the group chat.

She shifts a little on the bed, not wanting to startle him, and he looks up, his smile deepening.

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” says Bev.

“You must have needed it,” says Ben.

He reaches forward to brush the hair out of her face, the warmth of his fingers lingering on her skin. She shifts forward to curl against his side, smiling as he slides an arm around her shoulders. He feels solid and warm under her hands, his heartbeat a steady pattern under her palm.

“I must have,” says Bev, “What did I miss?”

“Mike’s arrived at Yellowstone,” says Ben, scrolling back up through the conversation to show her pictures of a very happy looking Mike. “Bill landed safely, and Richie and Eddie are flying out tomorrow morning.”

She can see the text of the group chat moving up as Eddie and Richie argue about when they should arrive at the airport.

_ Billium _ : why are you two taking up space in here, aren’t you in the same room?

_ Eddie _ : He’s literally next to me but he won’t stop replying to me here.

_ Trashmouth MD:  _ ur face goes all scrunched up when I do

_ Trashmouth MD:  _ it’s ADORABLE

Bev can picture Eddie’s expression and from Ben’s grin he’s doing the same. The fluttery feeling returns and she follows it, leaning up to kiss him. Ben immediately put the phone down on the bedside table, turning his full attention to her.

That’s different, too. That having someone’s full attention on you like this could feel good and warm and light instead of making her feel pinned, like a butterfly in a case. She lets out a breath and leans into the feeling, into Ben. She can feel him do the same to her, turning towards her, tangling them together.

When she wakes up the next morning, he’s not asleep next to her. Bev has a moment of her stomach dropping -  _ he’s gone, he’s left, she’s alone, she’ll never  _ \- before she catches sight of the note on the bedside table.

_ Good morning! I woke up a little earlier and went for a jog. The track nearby normally only takes me an hour or so, so I’ll be back soon - I’ll make breakfast :) _

_ Love, Ben _

She traces the letters of his name, wrapped the quilt around herself. Her earlier panic slips away under the warmth of the quilt. She doesn’t feel like getting up just yet, she can wait until Ben gets back for them, but she doesn’t want to go back to sleep, so she checks the Losers group chat.

Richie, shockingly, is up and posting, mostly to complain about Eddie dragging him to the airport early for their flight.

_ Eddie _ : We’re only half an hour early, that’s a sensible buffer.

_ Trashmouth MD _ : theyd wait!!!!! u get like 2 warnings before they shut the gates!! we could have had like a full hour extra of sleep

_ Eddie: _ No we couldn’t, because we had to be at the airport.

Bev sends a photo of herself wrapped in the quilt.  _ Good morning :) _

Richie’s reply is instantaneous.  _ THAT COULD BE US EDDIE _

_ Eddie: _ It could be one of us, I would be AT THE AIRPORT FOR OUR FLIGHT.

_ Trashmouth MD _ : I can’t believe u would let me miss my flight babe

_ Eddie:  _ I’m not letting you miss it, that’s why we’re here asshole

_ Trashmouth MD _ : but we could be missing it together!

_ Trashmouth MD _ : in bed ;) ;) ;) ;)

_ Billium _ : beep beep Richie

Bev stays curled up in bed, hanging out in the group chat as Mike talks about his first hike through Yellowstone while Eddie and Richie argue around him. It’s almost like having them in the room, the bickering as the background of the other conversations almost peaceful.

She freezes at the sound of the door opening, forcing her body to relax.  _ It’s just Ben. She’s safe. It’s just Ben. She’s safe. _

It  _ is _ just Ben. He’s obviously trying to be quiet, thinking she’s still asleep, and she sits up a little. He turns towards her, a smile already on his face. She holds a hand out, motioning him forward, and he follows, sitting down on the edge of the bed near her.

“Morning,” says Ben.

Bev smiles back at him. “Morning. How was your jog?”

“Good,” says Ben, “How was your sleep in?”

“ _ Very _ good,” says Bev.

Ben laughs. He excuses himself to get into the shower and, although she would much prefer to pull him back into bed with her, she lets him go. He’s shy with his body around her still, she can tell, the way models sometimes are with her, a lifetime of thinking about their bodies weighing on them. She runs a hand around her wrist, remembering the line of bruises that had marked her there during her marriage. The weight of bodies is something she can understand, even if she doesn’t feel the same kind of weight.

They make breakfast together. That’s something that’s different than her marriage too. Even when things were good between them, Tom never made her breakfast, never laughed with her while doing some everyday task. She eats fresh fruit and drinks Ben’s strong black coffee and thinks that she’s never felt so  _ light _ .

The next few days are easier than she thought they would be. She calls the lawyer. She organises movers to collect the few things she’d left that she might need immediately, things like clothes and make-up that Tom would look foolish contesting in court if he tried to use them against her. She dips in and out of the group chat, enjoying the feeling that her friends are right there, within arms reach. 

She enjoys Ben, too. They go for walks in the forest. They go into the small town nearby to have coffee. They relax on the deck of Ben’s house, sometimes talking about the twenty seven years of in-between life and sometimes not talking at all.

Mike mentions that he’s going to be in the area, something about his plan to see every state and national park in the country, and suddenly the group chat is a flurry of activity. 

_ Mike _ : You don’t have to come all the way out here to see me!

_ Mike _ : I’m flattered, and of course I’d love to see you guys, but California has parks too! I’ll be over that way eventually.

_ Eddie _ : I have to come down anyway to stop by the office and get some things from home.

_ Eddie _ : I’m sick of having to borrow Richie’s clothes.

_ Bev: _ you’ve been wearing richie’s clothes?!

_ Trashmouth MD _ : can you believe he doesn’t appreciate my generosity

_ Eddie _ : [...]

Eddie doesn’t type fast enough - Richie sends a photo of Eddie, wearing one of Richie’s horrible patterned shirts and curled up on the couch, scowling at his phone. The photo is slightly blurry, as though Richie had taken it in a rush, which he probably has.

_ Trashmouth MD _ : isn’t he SO CUTE

_ Eddie: _ I SAID DON’T TAKE A PHOTO OF ME ASSHOLE

_ Trashmouth MD: _ why don’t you come over here and make me ;) asshole ;)

_ Billium _ : I’ll be in NY soon too actually! I’m meeting with my publisher.

_ Trashmouth MD _ : called to the principals office?

_ Billium _ : Surprisingly, no! They actually seem to like the draft I sent through.

_ Trashmouth MD _ : maybe they’re suspicious that this ones actually good

_ Mike _ : beep beep

_ Billium _ : No, that’s fair.

_ Billium _ : Some of my books have almost been as bad as Richie’s previous comedy specials.

_ Eddie:  _ HA!

_ Trashmouth MD: _ please stop being funny :( youre making my boyfriend laugh and thats my job :(

_ Eddie _ : Stop letting hacks write your material then.

_ Trashmouth MD:  _ Im TRYING

Eventually the conversation turns back to Mike’s travel plans long enough for them to pick a meeting point. Bev and Eddie are both wary of being out in public, lest their previous spouses see them enjoying themselves, but Ben and Mike go back and forth until they find a spot. It’s smaller than the parks Bev thinks Mike is  _ actually _ interested in going to, but she appreciates the added protection.

They’re the closest to it and so Ben volunteers to bring something for lunch, which turns out to be great since it turns out what they would eat once they got there isn’t something any other the rest of them had even thought about. 

Ben drives and Bev navigates while she checks the group chat. She assumes Richie’s driving, given what she knows about Eddie’s doctor’s orders and how infrequently Richie’s interjecting with a comment. Bill goes radio silent when he drives, checking in to give them updated etas as he makes his way there. Mike replies just frequently enough that Bev hopes that he’s got it set to speech-to-text.

Eddie and Richie are, shockingly, there before them, frightening off any wildlife with a loud argument about who gets to change the radio station.

“Bev!” says Richie, the moment he spots her, “Bev, back me up here! Driver picks the music, right?”

“That only applies when you can  _ choose _ if you want to drive,” says Eddie, “I can’t, and so we should get to trade off being able to pick the music every hour! You-” He shakes himself, redirecting his attention to Bev. “Hi, you guys look great.”

“So do you,” says Ben, “How was the drive?”

“ _ Awful _ ,” says Eddie, “My driver has the worst taste in music.”

Richie attempts to pout, but he’s smiling too much for it to work. Bev laughs, pulling Richie in for a hug and then pushing him towards the car to help Ben unload the food.

Their phones all chime, and they all reach for them. 

“It’s Mike,’ says Eddie, “He says he’s like ten minutes away, and Bill’s not far behind him.”

Bev nods, sitting down on the picnic bench. Eddie takes it as a cue to sit down, which she was hoping he would. He looks better than when she’d last seen him but he still  _ does _ also look like someone who was stabbed and then had a building fall on him.

“Don’t tell Richie but I  _ feel _ like someone who was stabbed and then had a building fall on him,” says Eddie, “I mean, I feel better, but sometimes it’s hard to tell if it’s physical or from being away from…” He waves his hand. “Everything. The rest of my life.”

“You’re enjoying LA?”

“More than I thought I would,” says Eddie. His eyes drift to where Richie is making a show of carrying a single box from the car to the small barbeque area of the park. Behind him, Ben is carrying the rest of the bags, laughing at something Richie says. Warmth crackles in Bev’s chest again.

She glances back at Eddie. His eyes are still fixed on Richie, and she presses her lips together to suppress a laugh.

“That’s good,” says Bev, “You’re moving out there?”

“Yeah.” Eddie’s attention snaps back to her. “Uh, yeah, maybe. The firm I work for has a branch out there, so I could transfer or work remotely. We’re- I’m still deciding. There’s a lot of stuff to work out, the logistics of it, I mean, you know?” 

He pauses, his attention drifting back to Richie. Some of the tightness around his eyes lessens, his shoulders relaxing from tension Bev hadn’t even realised he’d been holding. Across the grass, Richie must notice Eddie’s eyes on him because he blows a kiss. Eddie rolls his eyes, but Bev is close enough that she can see the back of his neck turn pink. Richie winks.

“I’m trying to have a  _ conversation _ !” says Eddie.

“What, I’m not doing anything!” says Richie.

Eddie makes a sound of irritation, but the corners of his lips keep threatening to turn into a grin. Bev bumps their shoulders together.

“You do look good,” says Bev, “Happier.”

Eddie lets out a breath. “Yeah, I think… I think I am. Like, obviously, he drives me nuts,  _ on purpose _ , but he…” His voice softens. “The first thing he did when we got to his apartment was deep clean the bathroom, because I couldn’t- I mean, the doctor said I’m not supposed to overexert myself and I was complaining about it and he just got up and did it, like it wasn’t even a big deal, like it was… easy. Like doing something I wanted was easy. And all he said was  _ if you want me to do it every day, I’ll do it every day _ , and then… and then he put his horrible socks in my face and asked if he needed to do laundry.”

Bev laughs. “And did he?”

“ _ Yes _ ,” said Eddie, “I think they were the same socks he’s been wearing since the sewers, absolutely disgusting.” He looks at her out of the corner of his eye. “How’s Ben?”

“Like a dream,” says Bev, “No sewer socks for me.”

Eddie laughs, his attention drifting back to Richie. He and Ben are setting up the barbeque, their heads bent together over the vintage-looking public-use grill. They fiddle around with it for a while, and then it makes a series of loud clicks. They both jump back, grinning at each other. Richie holds a hand up for a high five and Ben gives him one, laughing. 

The corners of his eyes crinkle up. Something about the sight makes Bev’s chest ache. It’s a warm ache though, pleasant, comforting. Across the grass Ben and Richie stand shoulder-to-shoulder, bumping against one another as they start cooking.

She glances back at Eddie. He is still staring at Richie. This time she doesn’t hide her laugh.

“What?” says Eddie.

“Nothing,” says Bev, “You’re just… very focussed.”

Eddie’s blush is a little more apparent this time, his cheeks turning pink. “I just- it’s new. It’s  _ all  _ new, this- I mean, I didn’t know it was supposed to feel like  _ this _ , it’s… I mean, do you… with Ben…?”

Bev looks back towards Ben, the steady line of his shoulders as he turns to get something out of one of the bags. He catches her eye as he turns back, his smile widening. He does that, she's noticed. She doesn’t think anyone has ever looked as happy to see her as Ben does, every single time she walks into a room.

“Yeah,” says Bev, “Yeah, I think I know what you mean. He’s… I always felt, before, like I was bracing for something, and with Ben it’s…”

She searches for the right word, her hand flexing on the wooden seat underneath them. Eddie nods, as though she’s given him a finished sentence.

“And it’s like, was I supposed to be feeling this way the whole time?” says Eddie, “Like, is everyone going around feeling this way and I’ve just been… been…”

“Fucked around with by a demon clown?” offers Bev.

“ _ Exactly! _ ” says Eddie, loud enough than Ben and Richie both look over.

“Hey idiot, you’re not supposed to overexert yourself!” says Richie.

“I’m just sitting here!” says Eddie.

Richie points to his eyes with two fingers and then to Eddie. Eddie does the same motion back to Richie. Richie laughs, delighted, like Eddie has given him a gift. The flush returns to Eddie’s cheeks. Bev exchanges a look with Ben. He smiles at her, shrugging, and she huffs a laugh. Warmth spreads again through the cracks in her chest.

Two cars pull up behind them, Bill and Mike arriving at the same time. Bill greets them and heads to the grill and is immediately pulled into a hug by Richie, while Mike moves to sit with Bev and Eddie. He has approximately one million photos of his hike, and Bev finds herself honestly thrilled to look through all of them before the food is done.

They squeeze around the table, a little gap on the end of the bench seat. Richie clears his throat, lifting his beer.

"I hereby dedicate this first post-murder-clown meeting of the Loser's Club," says Richie, his voice hoarse, "to Stan."

Eddie puts a hand on Richie's arm and the rest of them raise their drinks, their eyes on the gap where one of them should be.

Richie clears his throat. "Anyway, let's eat. Stan wouldn't want the food getting cold."

Eddie shifts a little as the rest of them get their food, saying something about the dangers of splinters from the picnic table and Richie pulls him onto his lap “to protect him”. Eddie complains, more than a little half-heartedly, and so Bev shifts to sit on Ben’s lap. She raises an eyebrow at Bill and Mike, who very diplomatically rock-paper-scissors to decide. Mike sits on Bill’s lap.

“Everybody comfortable?” says Bev.

“ _ No _ ,” says Richie.

“Well you started it, so too bad,” says Eddie, pointedly taking a bite of his food.

She can feel the rumble of Ben’s laugh against her back and she leans into him, letting his arms bracket her sides. She lets the voices of the others burble around her, cocooning her from the world.  _ Safe _ , she thinks. That’s how Ben makes her feel. That’s how they all make her feel, really.

Warm, and safe, and whole.

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi: mariusperkins on most places


End file.
